A Love Letter to My Son
Today, we celebrated the homegoing of my sweet, sweet baby.
I will get back to my story of Carrying Camden, and of all the times he carried me, but in the meantime, here is a letter I wrote to my handsome boy, that was read aloud by his Uncle Jalen.
My dearest handsome baby,
Thank you. Thank you for choosing me. Thank you for teaching me. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for saving me.
You made me a mother. You made me a woman. You made me become someone I had never before known. I carried you in my womb, and now, you carry me on your wings.
You lived for 99 days, but I loved you for 99 lifetimes. I loved you from the moment you made your presence known, and I’ll love you until I follow you home.
It was amazing to feel you grow inside of me every day. You were one with me. You still are. You are a pure and perfect love made manifest – a collective combination of my wishes, dreams, hopes, and plans for a more beautiful future. I vowed to protect you with everything within me and all that I had. But God’s plan was greater than my own.
When I took you in my arms for the first time, you felt right where you belong, and in the weeks that followed, you seldom left. For the first time, I’m grateful for my selfish spirit. I’m grateful for every uninterrupted moment, every second I had you alone. I’m grateful for the early mornings I woke up to your cries, the countless dirty diapers, the milky mouths, and the never-ending slobber. I’m grateful for each and every bath time, for each ruined outfit (of mine and yours) and for all of our daily walks. You wore yellow when I brought you home, so now, we wear yellow to send you onward to your heavenly home. You will for ever be my little sunshine, and for as long as the sun lights this earth, I will walk with you by my side.
The love that you taught me was unselfish. Here on earth, I learned the meaning of sacrifice. Going without sleep for your sake, without eating, and without much outside interaction as I began my journey to motherhood. Only those things didn’t seem like sacrifices. They seemed like the life I was meant to have, the life of which I had always dreamed.
It wasn’t until you left for your heavenly home that I realized the true meaning of selflessness. I had to give you up so you could return to where you belong. You are not my child, but God’s. I was simply allowed to grow and nurture you until He was ready for you to bloom under His watchful eye.
I did not create you, my child. You created me. You were formed in my womb and carried in my belly. My life gave you yours, and once you were born, your life gave me mine. I found in you the strength I never knew I possessed, the childish joy I had long left behind, the trusting spirit that many can only hope to hold onto, and the promise of all things good.
You were born of and to me, but you were also the rebirth of me. You became my reason. With you, I found new life. New meaning.
And I vow to hold onto who I became, my dearest Camden. I will not allow my hurting heart to turn me into a woman you never knew. I will always be your mother, and you will always, always be my child. I will continue to lead a life with which you would be pleased.
I shall sustain your legacy in all the years to come. I will keep alive your memory, and will hold you in my heart, though I may no longer hold you in my arms.
In your 99 days, you’ve done much more for me than I could have ever done for myself. All that is left to ask is that you look over us from above, baby boy.
Grant us your peace, and your childlike innocence. Remind us to take life as it comes, and that it’s okay to cry, because, just like you did when you entered this world, it means you’re alive. Help us remember that life is better when wrapped in the arms of the ones we love and that we should always strive to put others before self. More than anything, Camden James, help us remember that there is a love far greater than any we could ever know.
Hold me close until I can hold you again.
Mommy loves you, sweet baby.
Celebrating the Life of Camden James
I will get back to my story of Carrying Camden, and of all the times he carried me, but in the meantime, here is a letter I wrote to my handsome boy, that was read aloud by his Uncle Jalen.
My dearest handsome baby,
Thank you. Thank you for choosing me. Thank you for teaching me. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for saving me.
You made me a mother. You made me a woman. You made me become someone I had never before known. I carried you in my womb, and now, you carry me on your wings.
You lived for 99 days, but I loved you for 99 lifetimes. I loved you from the moment you made your presence known, and I’ll love you until I follow you home.
It was amazing to feel you grow inside of me every day. You were one with me. You still are. You are a pure and perfect love made manifest – a collective combination of my wishes, dreams, hopes, and plans for a more beautiful future. I vowed to protect you with everything within me and all that I had. But God’s plan was greater than my own.
When I took you in my arms for the first time, you felt right where you belong, and in the weeks that followed, you seldom left. For the first time, I’m grateful for my selfish spirit. I’m grateful for every uninterrupted moment, every second I had you alone. I’m grateful for the early mornings I woke up to your cries, the countless dirty diapers, the milky mouths, and the never-ending slobber. I’m grateful for each and every bath time, for each ruined outfit (of mine and yours) and for all of our daily walks. You wore yellow when I brought you home, so now, we wear yellow to send you onward to your heavenly home. You will for ever be my little sunshine, and for as long as the sun lights this earth, I will walk with you by my side.
The love that you taught me was unselfish. Here on earth, I learned the meaning of sacrifice. Going without sleep for your sake, without eating, and without much outside interaction as I began my journey to motherhood. Only those things didn’t seem like sacrifices. They seemed like the life I was meant to have, the life of which I had always dreamed.
It wasn’t until you left for your heavenly home that I realized the true meaning of selflessness. I had to give you up so you could return to where you belong. You are not my child, but God’s. I was simply allowed to grow and nurture you until He was ready for you to bloom under His watchful eye.
I did not create you, my child. You created me. You were formed in my womb and carried in my belly. My life gave you yours, and once you were born, your life gave me mine. I found in you the strength I never knew I possessed, the childish joy I had long left behind, the trusting spirit that many can only hope to hold onto, and the promise of all things good.
You were born of and to me, but you were also the rebirth of me. You became my reason. With you, I found new life. New meaning.
And I vow to hold onto who I became, my dearest Camden. I will not allow my hurting heart to turn me into a woman you never knew. I will always be your mother, and you will always, always be my child. I will continue to lead a life with which you would be pleased.
I shall sustain your legacy in all the years to come. I will keep alive your memory, and will hold you in my heart, though I may no longer hold you in my arms.
In your 99 days, you’ve done much more for me than I could have ever done for myself. All that is left to ask is that you look over us from above, baby boy.
Grant us your peace, and your childlike innocence. Remind us to take life as it comes, and that it’s okay to cry, because, just like you did when you entered this world, it means you’re alive. Help us remember that life is better when wrapped in the arms of the ones we love and that we should always strive to put others before self. More than anything, Camden James, help us remember that there is a love far greater than any we could ever know.
Hold me close until I can hold you again.
Mommy loves you, sweet baby.
Celebrating the Life of Camden James
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