Forever Carrying Camden

Today, we celebrated the homegoing of my sweet, sweet baby. I will get back to my story of Carrying Camden, and of all the times he carried me, but in the meantime, here is a letter I wrote to my handsome boy, that was read aloud by his Uncle Jalen. My dearest handsome baby, Thank you. Thank you for choosing me. Thank you for teaching me. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for saving me. You made me a mother. You made me a woman. You made me become someone I had never before known. I carried you in my womb, and now, you carry me on your wings. You lived for 99 days, but I loved you for 99 lifetimes.  I loved you from the moment you made your presence known, and I’ll love you until I follow you home. It was amazing to feel you grow inside of me every day.  You were one with me. You still are.  You are a pure and perfect love made manifest – a collective combination of my wishes, dreams, hopes, and plans for a more beautiful future.  I vowed to protect you ...

I carried Camden for ten months, but it seemed that, more often than not, he carried me. Camden was my first born. He still is. Though he is no longer with me in the flesh, my son lives on everyday. This is my story. Our story. A love story. Within a little over a year, I conceived, discovered, delivered, and lost. It began on July 5, 2014.  It was then that I tested positive for pregnancy.  I was barely three weeks along, but I knew .  Many young girls imagine a white dress and a walk down the aisle.  My vision was a little different:  snotty noses, milky mouths, and lots and lots of dirty diapers.  For me, the goal wasn't marriage but what came after: a house full of children.  I always believed I'd be a mother of many.  Though my journey was a little "out of order," it was mine.  And, in my early twenties, I became a mother. After I took the tests, I cried for two hours on the bathroom floor.  For me, this wasn't just a c...